I saw the movie The Vow this weekend and was blown away. It certainly wasn't what I thought it would be. I expected to spend two hours engrossed in Channing Tatum's killer body... but instead, I was confronted with ideas of life and of forgiveness. Thoughts of grief and of being able to just. let. go.

In the movie, the opportunity to go back and erase a period of time was given to the main character, Paige. Scratch that - it wasn't exactly an opportunity for her. But her story made me think about my life and what I would go back and "forget" if I could. The age-old adage forgive and forget is often easier said than done. The conscious parts of our mind may forgive a particular action but the subconscious undercurrents will never forget. Can never forget. It'll always be there. Unless, of course, you're thrown through the windshield of a vehicle or suffer some other tortuous head injury. Paige couldn't go back and remember a whole portion of her life that made her who she is in the present. What would I do if that were the case? How would I feel if I woke up tomorrow and the last thing I remembered was middle school? Before my family fell apart, before I learned so many lessons the hard way... but also before I met my husband. Would my life take the same path it has if I were given the chance to start over in my mind? Could I wipe away the pain that's built up there for hours and days and years? 

The depths of despair and the Everests of happiness that have been my life in the past ten years have made me who I am today. The mother I am, the wife I am, the daughter I am. But could I be better if I just let go? Another thing that's easier said than done. Could you? Can you reach back in your mind and forgive someone for the one thing they did wrong and love them for the many things they've done right? Can you let it go? Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could all just let go? 

In the movie, Leo has a theory that we are all particles, floating out in this space that we call Earth. When we crash together and experience a moment of impact, those are the seconds, the moments that define our lives. These are the seemingly infinite spaces of time that make us who we are. If you could pinpoint a particular crash, would you go back and wipe it away in hopes that you could finally forget the remnants of it? Would you omit the pain even if it might change who you are today? What about if deleting that painful moment also deletes many, many happy moments along with it? Would you do it then?

I wonder if this is something that can be accomplished without a physical brain injury. I wonder if it's possible to inhale forgiveness and exhale the pain, the hurt, and the regret. And with that exhalation, is it possible to find forgetfulness? Wouldn't it be great if we could all just breathe it out? Hmm. Interesting theory, eh? 

Humor me, and let me play through this idea...

For many years now, I have wondered why bad things happen. Why do people kill each other? Why do people make viruses that infect computers simply for the pleasure of destroying someone else's property? Why do people hurt animals? Why do parents kill their own children? Why why why?

Today I learned that the evil that I've seen in people goes as deep in the world as to be microscopic. Literally. Viruses (the kind that make you sick, that is) have long been part of the world we live in and they infect everything from flowers and grass to bats, cows, and humans. A virus' only goal is to reproduce. Viruses carry DNA (that looks exactly like human DNA!) and they use that DNA to mutate the genetic material of their hosts. DNA is what tells our cells what to do. Viruses attach to healthy cells and basically take over that cell, resulting in a dysfunction that can cause a multitude of problems. Viruses such as herpes simplex 1 and 2 might just hang around on your cells and only cause you to have signs and symptoms every now and then, when you make them mad. However, the HIV virus causes your body to attack itself and eventually kill itself. It's even been suggested that there may be a virus out there that could be causing the obesity epidemic - and probably more than just a few people have it. Oh, and viruses also happen to cause the mundane problems like rheumatoid arthritis and diabetes.

So what does the original question I asked have to do with viruses? It seems that even life on a molecular level is affected by "bad" things that want nothing more than to cause harm. Viruses (which are neither living nor dead, mind you) intentionally set out every day to harm perfectly happy cells. They go knocking on the doors of our naive little cells and our innocent cells let the virus inside because that thing that wants to come in looks a little like "self"... but it's not. That's a little evil, in my opinion. Hmm.... so if life on a microbial level has issues with good and evil, then it stands to reason that bigger life forms have those same basic problems too. Is it a law of nature? Must there must be evil to balance out goodness?

Hmm... I'm still stumped about WHY bad things have to happen to good people and how people can be so malicious and evil but I at least understand that it seems it must happen. Viruses have helped plants and animals alike evolve over the past 3.8 billion years or so, resulting in Darwin's suggestion of "survival of the fittest". Weaker species have been bred off or killed off and stronger species have survived. Does the same thing happen with humans? Are we all trying to kill each other off and screw each other over just to prove who is stronger and more adept to survive?? Hmm. We must just think we are good. Food for thought on a Saturday night. :)