I've experienced death.
All of us have - some more than others, some deaths have been closer
than others. Some were merely a marking of time while others were the
kind that change us at our core. We all know what death is and how it
hurts and how it changes people.
But can a living death be experienced? Can the death of an ideal, a worldview, or of a personality haunt our day-to-day lives in the same way that ghosts of the past haunt our memories? When something or someone that was once a static force changes in some slight way - can that nameless shift follow you around, lurking in the shadows of repressed anger and bitten-back remarks?
As humans, most of us feel the insatiable urge to be around other people. We anchor ourselves in those around us and sometimes go so far as to define ourselves by our loved ones. I know I do. JD is the weight in the pit of my soul that centers me. My son is the driving force in my day. I know those two aren't going anywhere; we are bound by vows and by blood. But what about the people that aren't anchored to you? When you define yourself by your family or friends... and then those bonds begin to fade, the chain begins to go slack. Do you fight it? Do you go to battle to reinforce what's breaking? Or do you let it break? And what if what you want to do is not what you should do?
There are so many things in life that I want to figure out some day. Maybe we are not meant to figure it all out, to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I will never know. All we can do is go day-by-day, put one foot in front of the other, and fight for what we want. Pick your battles and no matter what the outcome, wear your scars proudly because at the end of the day, it's those battles that remind us that we are human.
But can a living death be experienced? Can the death of an ideal, a worldview, or of a personality haunt our day-to-day lives in the same way that ghosts of the past haunt our memories? When something or someone that was once a static force changes in some slight way - can that nameless shift follow you around, lurking in the shadows of repressed anger and bitten-back remarks?
As humans, most of us feel the insatiable urge to be around other people. We anchor ourselves in those around us and sometimes go so far as to define ourselves by our loved ones. I know I do. JD is the weight in the pit of my soul that centers me. My son is the driving force in my day. I know those two aren't going anywhere; we are bound by vows and by blood. But what about the people that aren't anchored to you? When you define yourself by your family or friends... and then those bonds begin to fade, the chain begins to go slack. Do you fight it? Do you go to battle to reinforce what's breaking? Or do you let it break? And what if what you want to do is not what you should do?
There are so many things in life that I want to figure out some day. Maybe we are not meant to figure it all out, to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I will never know. All we can do is go day-by-day, put one foot in front of the other, and fight for what we want. Pick your battles and no matter what the outcome, wear your scars proudly because at the end of the day, it's those battles that remind us that we are human.
